


Tell Him That I Loved Him

by Vearth



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:52:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vearth/pseuds/Vearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek gets to see the one person he truly loved one last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Him That I Loved Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beliar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beliar/gifts).



> I think it's best to leave you all with your own ideas of what the story to this is, BUT if you can't make any sense of it: the background story I had was that Jennifer turned out to be one of the bad guys, leaving Derek once again betrayed by someone he opened his heart to. Because of that he is unable to admit his love for Stiles and be with him and by that drives him away until they break apart completely. He also starts avoiding Scott and the others, feeling like all he ever does is making their lives worse and after being rejected so many times, they stop going to see him or call him. Derek stop talking to the people he loves and is unable to love anyone new because of his trust issues, so he slowly feels his heart turn to stone - until it just stops beating one day, when he is lying on his bed, alone and clutching Stiles's red hoodie to his chest.

"Oh my god!"

Stiles turned around, startled, to see Lydia frozen mid-step, staring at thin air. Her eyes were widened in shock, as if she was seeing something that remained hidden from Stiles’s eyes. “Lydia? Lyds? Are you alright?" he asked, walking back to her and instinctively stopping next to her - as if he was trying to avoid getting in contact with whatever it was Lydia might be seeing.

"You can’t be here. You are dead.." Lydia whispered, her voice breaking over the word dead. She shook her head lightly, flaming locks wobbling from the movement, while she tumbled out of her half step position. Stiles noticed her breath going more shallow than before and her behavior was starting to freak him out. They had found out a short while ago that Lydia’s strange habit of stumbling over dead bodies had origined in her ability to connect with the world of the dead. She could hear them, see them occasionally and sometimes they could even see her as well. Lydia hated the term medium, but from everything they had found out in their research that was what had suited her talent the most.

Derek straightened up a bit, his eyebrows wandering up.

"You can see me?" he said, surprise and a hint of hope lying in his voice.

Lydia’s breath was speeding up once more, but she nodded, unable to take her eyes off Derek. She recognized the clothes he was wearing. He had worn them the day they had found him.

"Lydia, what is going on?!" Stiles asked, louder this time, waving his hand in front of her eyes to pull her out of the state of shock she seemed to be in. “Who are you talking to? There is nobody there. Who are you seeing?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at the big fat nothing the redhead’s eyes were fixed on.

"Derek.." Lydia’s voice was so quiet, yet Stiles felt like she had yelled the name at her. “It’s Derek." A small huff escaped Stiles and he started shaking his head, once her words sunk in. “No," was all he said, before looking away and shaking his head some more. “No, Lydia. He’s gone. That’ not -it’s not possible."

"It’s Derek, I can see him, he is standing right there!!" Lydia said, much louder this time. Her gift was scaring the others but it was definitely freaking her out more than anyone; and on top of fearing the things she had to experience now, she got increasingly agitated over her friends telling her something wasn’t possible.

"You can see me.. you can hear me!" Derek said, taking a careful step closer, hope now clearly swinging in his voice. “Yes, yes I can! What do you want, Derek?" Lydia asked, her voice sounding more scared than she liked. Talking to a ghost (or whatever Derek was) could not be compared to normal human conversations. She may have sounded impolite for snapping at a dead man reaching out, to someone who didn’t know what it meant to communicate with a world so twisted and wrong like that of the dead.

It made her feel like she was dying herself, coldness wrapping around her like a coat made of ice and intense emotions like sadness, fear or anger rushing through her body like arrows.

Derek swallowed and looked over at Stiles, staring at him for a moment with an expression that broke Lydia’s heart. “Lydia. Lydia?? Is it really him?" Stiles asked all of a sudden, looking at her like a scared little boy. “Is he saying something? What- what is going on?"

Lydia’s eyes followed Derek’s every movement as he walked over to Stiles, stopping right in front of him. The former Alpha’s hand reached up slowly, trying to touch Stiles’s cheek - but seemingly melted away into thin air when their skin made contact. Stiles didn’t even blink and Lydia realized that he couldn’t feel a thing.

"He’s.. he’s.." she said, watching Derek with her lips parted, as if she was waiting for him to put actual words in there. “He’s what!? Please, tell me.. please, Lydia!" There was too much despair lying in Stiles’s voice for someone who had claimed to be okay after losing his love a few months ago. They all knew Stiles wasn’t okay; he wouldn’t be in a long time. They could see it in his eyes - and it made them feel guilty. For not trying more, for not realizing how bad it really had been, for not keeping Stiles from going in there to find Derek’s lifeless body lying on the bed; just as if he was taking a nap.

"Can you tell him something?" Derek asked and Lydia swallowed, trying to get the lump out of her throat that was growing steadily. She nodded. “Tell him.. I am sorry," Derek said, his hand still raised to touch Stiles - a sad and hopeless gesture. He would never be able to touch him again; pretending was all he could do. Pretending and remembering.

"He wants me to tell you.. that he is sorry," Lydia said, staring at the two of them, while Stiles was looking at her. He let out a sound that lie somewhere between sigh and whimper and pressed his eyes closed for a moment, turning his head towards the floor.

Derek’s lips curled up in a smile that looked so sad it was like a dagger right into Lydia’s heart. “Tell him that I miss him. Tell him.." Tears were forming in Lydia’s eyes and soon they were running down her cheeks; but it only took her a moment to realize they weren’t her own - they were Derek’s. ".. tell him that I love him. I always loved him."

"Why would you say that?" Stiles asked, before Lydia could give him the new messages. “Why would you.. after everything? You shut me out. You pushed me away and you didn’t even.. you didn’t even say goodbye. And now you’re sorry? Great, Derek, really great." He was still staring at the floor, hiding his face from both of them, but Lydia could tell from his voice that he was crying.

"He misses you and.. and he loves you. He always.."

"No, he didn’t!!" Stiles yelled, looking up at where he thought Derek was. He only missed looking at his eyes by a few centimeters. “He didn’t love me. Or he wouldn’t have done this to me. He didn’t love me, he didn’t trust me, he chose to be alone.."

Derek closed his eyes for a moment. The tears on his face looked strange; like thin silver lines that almost carved into his skin. Except for that, they matched Lydia’s perfectly. “I trusted you. But I couldn’t.. I was scared. No one ever loved me like you did, Stiles. I can’t undo what I did, and while I regret hurting you, I know it was the only way. It way the only way for me."

Lydia felt her whole body get stiff when Derek’s words came out of her mouth. It was her own voice that she heard, broken and shaken up by quiet sobs, but none of what she said came from herself.  
Stiles took a deep breath and looked over at Lydia. He knew it wasn’t really Derek he was looking at, but he had no idea where Derek was standing, so he had to go with the next best thing.

"I thought we’d make it one day. I thought you were.. getting better. I thought one day, we’d.." he whispered, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie. “What am I supposed to do without you?"

Derek took a step closer and Lydia watched him wrap his arms around Stiles’s slender form, ghosting away, as if he was made of gas, like before. It hurt. It hurt so bad to have him so close and not being able to touch him. Lydia let out a shuddering breath. Her head and her chest hurt from the sorrow and grief she was experiencing, not knowing if it was all Derek’s or partly hers as well.

"I am so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I should have been, for you," Derek went on while keeping his arms around Stiles, closing his eyes to call back the memory of what it felt like to hold him in his arms. “I loved you, I still do. And I never wanted to hurt you, but.. you’ll be happy again. I promise. You will think about me. For a while; maybe for a long while. But after that you will forget your love and you will be happy again. Without me."

Stiles was shaking his head at every sentence that came out of Lydia’s mouth. He too heard her voice but the words echoed in his head, spoken in Derek’s voice. The voice he missed so much he still called his voicemail sometimes, just to hear it one last time.

"I will never forget you," he said, looking back at the empty space before him. Derek felt like crying out loud at the helpless expression on Stiles face as he tried to make out Derek in the air. “Lydia..? Where is he? What is he doing?"

With a gasp, Lydia snapped out of her trance and clutched her chest. Her knees felt weak and her face burned from the tears, but she couldn’t just run away. Not this time. “He is right in front of you. He is.. hugging you," she said, unsure how to explain the strange melting thing happening to Derek when they touched.

Stiles let out a small sob and raised his hands, looking like he was hugging an invisible person to everyone but Lydia. “I can’t feel it," he whispered. “I can’t feel a thing.."  
Lydia nodded, unable to speak for a moment when the pain in her chest got too strong. “I know.. I know."

"I love you, Derek.. please.. come back to me," Stiles whimpered, slowly dropping his hands again when they got heavy from holding up. Derek straightened his back a little, facing Stiles again and leaning forward to make their foreheads touch. At least in theory. “I can’t come back. I had my chance and I fucked up, I am sorry, my love," he said, but Lydia couldn’t bring herself to repeat his words to Stiles.

"I am so sorry," Derek said one last time, before backing away and opening his eyes again suddenly. “I have to go," he said, looking at Lydia.

Stiles sniffeled. “What is he saying now?" he asked, his voice hoarse from crying. Lydia looked at him and back at Derek who was slowly walking backwards. “He’s.. going," she said, as Derek turned his back to them, looking over his shoulder one last time.

"What?! No!!" Stiles called, his arms shooting up, fishing through thin air, as if he was hoping he could get a hold of Derek’s shirt and pull him back. “No, don’t go, don’t go, Derek! Please.. don’t go!" he begged, but Derek only gave them another one of his sad smiles, before fading into nothing.

"I’m sorry, Stiles.." Lydia whispered, feeling a heavy weight fall off her shoulders as soon as Derek was gone.

"I am so sorry."


End file.
